Secrets of a Former Fat Girl by Lisa Delaney

Author:Lisa Delaney
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Group, Inc.
Published: 2007-12-29T05:00:00+00:00

I gained every bit of the weight back once I started eating from the rest of the food groups again, but I was no longer content with my size 8 life. Because of that diet, as crazy and unpleasant as it might have been, everything I believed about my body—my entire self-image, really—was suddenly in question. If I wasn’t big boned as I’d always thought, then maybe I wasn’t destined to be always the friend, never the girlfriend. Maybe I did have just as much of a shot at working at a major magazine or a big-time newspaper as anyone else. Maybe I did have a joke worth telling, an opinion worth sharing. Maybe I could be something other than a Fat Girl after all.

That whacked-out Beverly Hills Diet not only showed me where the finish line was when I thought the race was over, but it made me reexamine the way I had seen myself for most of my life. I began to question the way I defined myself, the assumptions I had made about who I was and what I was capable of. I began to recognize the Fat Girl programming that had duped me into thinking I wasn’t worthy, wasn’t strong enough, wasn’t smart enough, wasn’t whatever. I began to see that the walls surrounding my comfort zone weren’t made of stone at all; they were mere clouds and air. They weren’t holding me back; I was holding me back.

I knew what it would take to break through: a major diet makeover. Exercise could get me only so far; I had to do something to stem my appetite. No more food free-for-alls at Gaby’s house; no more mid-morning bagel runs; no more anything-goes dinners out.

I hated the thought of giving up my first love, food, even if it was standing between me and the life I wanted. The thought of going back there—to dieting, to denial, to fighting against my appetite—was downright depressing. I had reached such a positive place. My self-esteem was continuing to build little by little, and thanks to Kim and Gaby, my social life was on the upswing, too. My job was a dead end and my love life was nonexistent, but, then, you can’t have it all—at least not all at once, right?

It took a full six months after that prescient experience with the Beverly Hills Diet before I decided to join Weight Watchers. I was willing to risk everything that was going right in my life for a grab at the brass ring. That’s how powerful my vision was. I had gotten a glimpse of my future as a Former Fat Girl, and I wanted that life to be mine for good.

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